How many times have you faced rejection on the social networking site LinkedIn? Perhaps you asked someone for a recommendation and they either:
A. Deleted your email and didn’t respond …or…
B. Told you they don’t feel comfortable recommending you
Rejection Hurts
I speak from personal experience. Recently I asked a couple of friends to recommend my work on Social Media Commando because I respect their opinions. To my surprise, two people responded that they didn’t feel comfortable doing so.
Their reason isn’t contempt or laziness though, the problem was that I failed to introduce them properly to my work.
Familiarity Breeds Respect
Often times people refuse to recommend you simply because they are not familiar with the work/job/project you are asking to get props for. That’s what happened in my case (Thank goodness! At first I thought someone caught a glimpse of me at age 7 in my Dogzilla shirt, knee high socks, & short shorts and lost all respect for Commando).
When you or I ask for a recommendation, we’re really asking our friends and colleagues to stick their necks out by vouching for us. Just because I worked with you at a previous job and you were rock solid, does that mean I should risk giving you the nod in your new venture?
(Disclaimer: I assume you are asking for qualified recommendations and not spamming people with inappropriate requests)
1. Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty
Author and Super Connector Keith Ferrazzi taught me this lesson in his book Never Eat Alone. The point is you need to familiarize people with your work before you need the recommendation. This allows friends to take their time getting to know your focus, and results in not relying on those ‘Oh my God I just got fired, please help!’ type requests.
2. Thoughtful Notes = Thoughtful Responses
Do you rely on the generic message LinkedIn automatically creates to seek recommendations?
Big mistake.
Erase the form text and insert a considerate, yet brief, note explaining what you seek and how the recommendation will help you. Or write a handwritten note and mail it to your colleague, followed by an email a few days later. Or call them. Personal touches work.
3. Sign their Yearbooks Too!
Everyone remembers the kid in high school who was so focused on getting everyone to sign their yearbook that as soon as you finished writing in theirs, they jetted. No thanks, no reciprocal note – just a whirl as they ran to their next victim friend.
Don’t be that guy. Write recommendations for the people you care about because it’s the right thing to do, because you want to, and because karma will kick your ass if you don’t.
Finally, be open and honest about what you’re asking for. Don’t hint or cajole if what you really want is a word or two of support from a colleague. Just ask for it! You will be pleasantly surprised by the encouragement friends give you and learn from the people who do not.
Do you Follow Commando on LinkedIn? Write a Review…or Don’t (We’re cool either way).
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post Joe. I felt kinda weird asking for recommendations when I wanted to beef up my profile a bit. Like a popularity contest – which it wasn't of course, and I only requested props from those whom I would return a glowing review. Turns out my sheepishness was for naught – the recommends came flying through the window, and they were really nice. All I had to do was ask!
@deepdishcreates
Isn't it funny what people will do for you if you only have the courage to ask?
P.S. Glad I could contribute a glowing review, where would Commando be without you?
Interesting post…I am thinking about how to respond.
Personally, on LinkedIn, I have only asked for one recommendation on LinkedIn, so I could get 100% complete on my “LinkedIn Profile”. I received one unsolicited recommendation which meant a great deal to me. <thank you>. In general, I give unsolicited recommendations. When I give a recommendation, I also send a private note explaining why I recommended them in the first place and please do not recommend me. Not because I do not respect their opinions or integrity, I just really want to give “off the hook” pass. I would recommend them despite their opinions of me and my work.
lol…the irony…the one recommendation I asked for…rejected…LOL!
Ah! No way! Oh well, not everyone understands your incredible talents, good nature, and outgoing spirit like your friends in Burlington. The declining commenter is missing out!
Joe,
If I request a recommendation from someone on LinkedIn it usually comes after I have recommended them. I send a note with my recommendation saying if they feel comfortable recommending me back I would appreciate it and that if they aren't comfortable then I will see in them in XYZ social network we already connect in. It gives them the opt out without the guilt trip and I genuinely mean it because I only recommend people who I truly respect and would praise even without reciprocity.
Sounds like a fantastic policy to me. Your genuine nature comes through even in your writing style.